


Trainwreck

by AnotherGallavichLove



Series: Prompts [16]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Accident, Angst, Crying, Flashbacks, Getting Back Together, M/M, Slightly OOC Carl i guess, but i believe this is how he would act if he felt this strongly about something, post 5x12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 20:55:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4579731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherGallavichLove/pseuds/AnotherGallavichLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on this prompt: Could you please do one where mickey have a really bad and terrible car accident right after the break-up and got really, really heavy injured. His life is on a silver string, but ian and the gallaghers do not want go from his side all the time! Please! :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trainwreck

The days after the break up were difficult, to say the least.

 

Ian felt dead on his feet, more than he ever had in the past.

 

There was a slight burn in his chest that wasn’t there before, a hurt.

 

Like something was missing.

 

He convinced himself that it was just this fucking thing inside of him messing with his head again, but deep down, he knew that it was more than that.

 

What was causing the pain was something that he could actually fix, and he figured that was a reason why he didn’t.

 

He was scared to do something about it, because it already hurt so bad, what if trying to fix it would make it worse?

 

_”Too much!”_

 

_”Really?”_

 

_”Yeah”_

 

_”Fuck”_

 

The entire conversation was on a loop in his head, highlighting the worst parts.

 

It would get better, it would.

 

That’s what he told himself, but deep down, he knew that it wouldn’t.

 

Not unless he did something about it, and right now, to be honest, he was too fucking chicken.

 

He was laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling when it happened.

 

”Ian?”  Fiona burst through the bedroom door, he didn’t look at her. Didn’t have the energy to.

 

”What?”

 

”We have to go, come on”

 

The unmistakable tone of alarm in her voice was what made him sit up and finally look at her.

 

”Where are we going?”

 

He didn’t move.

 

If he was honest, he just wanted to lay still on his bed and do nothing but mope.

 

”Get up, now. We have to get to the hospital. Deb!”

 

Ian didn’t know what the fuck was going on, but he stood up and pulled on a sweatshirt anyway.

 

”Yeah?” Debbie said, coming into the room.

 

”Me and Ian gotta take a ride. Are you okay to watch Liam?”

 

”Yeah, sure. Where are you going?”

 

”I’ll tell you later, Ian, are you ready to go?”

 

”I Guess” Ian shrugged, feeling heavy.

 

Fiona nodded and turned around.

 

Ian followed her out of the house and they got in the car.

 

It took him a good five minutes to work up the energy, but he finally asked.

 

”What’s at the hospital?” He turned his head to look at his sister, and he noticed her eyes turning slightly red.

 

”Mickey”

 

If there was a way to die and come back to life, feel every single moment of pain that you have felt in your entire life, and then do it all over again within a fraction of a second, that's what happened.

 

Ian may be feeling kind of numb, but he felt that.

 

He felt everything for Mickey, he always had.

 

”What happened? He okay?”

 

”They don’t… They don’t know. It was Kev who called. Apparently he got into an accident, something to do with the train and he - ”

 

 ”I don’t wanna hear it. Can’t”

 

Fiona nodded as she parked the car.

 

Ian felt numb as he exited the vehicle.

 

He felt empty as they started walking.

 

But it wasn’t until they entered the building that he felt one, crystal clear feeling in his entire body.

 

Fear.

 

Fear that Mickey, _his_ Mickey wouldn’t make it.

 

Of course Mickey wasn’t his Mickey anymore, but Ian had nobody but himself to blame for that one, he knew that.

 

He feared that the last conversation he would ever have with him was a break up.

 

The first time Mickey had ever told him he loved him, and he hadn’t said it back even though he felt it.

 

Fuck, he felt it.

 

As they walked through the hospital, Ian’s heart started pounding more and more.

 

Every single moment with Mickey ran on a loop in his head, reminding him of all the things he wished he could change.

 

All the things he had done wrong.

 

All the times he’d hurt Mickey.

 

_”If you give half a shit about me”_

 

_”Leaving town”_

 

_”Four years, minimum”_

 

_”I didn’t come here for you”_

 

_”You’re not free”_

 

_”You’re afraid of your father, you’re afraid of your wife. You’re afraid to be who you are”_

 

_”Just leave me alone!”_

 

_”I did a porno”_

 

_”The fuck’s up with you?”_

 

_”I don’t need a fucking caretaker, alright?”_

 

_”I need the shit talking, bitch slapping piece of south side trash I fell for”_

 

_”The fuck is he, Mickey?”_

 

_”The hell does that even mean?”_

 

_”Yeah”_

 

Every single moment he would change if he could.

 

He never realized how much he was hurting Mickey.

 

He never realized how much he loved him, how much he needed him.

 

Until now.

 

”Mickey Milkovich?” Fiona asked the lady, but she shook her head.

 

”There is no Mickey here” Ian rolled his eyes.

 

_”So what’s your name?” Ian asked, smirking as they sat on the Milkovich couch finishing their second joint._

 

_”This shit make you forgetful or something? Mickey, man”_

 

_Ian chuckled, resting his legs in Mickey’s lap._

 

_He stilled, but didn’t push them off._

 

_”No, I mean your full name. Mickey’s short right?”_

 

_”Maybe so” Mickey paused to take a puff. ”But I ain’t telling you what for”_

 

_”Come on, Mick. We’ve been fucking for months. I barely know anything about you. Gimme something”_

 

_Mickey rolled his eyes and looked at Ian, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth._

 

_”Why you wanna know this shit anyway?” Ian shrugged._

 

_”I wanna know you” Ian spoke so quietly, he wasn’t even sure Mickey had heard him, but once he answered, he knew he had._

 

_”Fuck you, man. But alright, it’s - ”_

 

”Mikhailo Milkovich?” Ian asked, throat closing up.

 

”Yes, he’s here. May I ask your connection to the patient?” 

 

”Ex boyfriend” Ian said, struggling to get the words out.

 

”I’m his sister” Fiona nodded to Ian. ”Things have been rough between them, but they love each other. Could you please tell us what’s going on with him? Is he okay?”

 

”Alright, yes. He’s got out of surgery a few minutes ago”

 

”So he’s fine?” Fiona asked.

 

”He’s currently sedated, but everything points to him making a good recovery”

 

”Can we see him?” Fiona asked, and Ian snapped his head to look at her.

 

”Actually, I should go home”

 

”What? Ian, it’s Mickey” Fiona said, confused.

 

”I know, and he’ll be fine” Ian gestured to the lady. ”I can’t see him right now, I need to go. Please?”

 

Fiona was obviously confused, but she nodded slowly.

 

”Okay, kiddo” Then she turned to the lady. ”Thanks”

 

On the way home, Ian didn’t say anything. He just looked out the window, trying to get his brain to focus on anything but memories involving Mickey. It was a lost cause, though.

 

All he could see, all he could hear was Mickey. But he knew he had no right to miss him, and that was what hurt the most.

 

Now that he knew Mickey would stay alive, all he wanted to do was go home, curl up in bed and cry, and that’s exactly what he did.

 

He stayed under the covers for hours, Fiona forcing him to eat a piece of bread once in a while.

 

His head spun and spun and spun. It wasn’t like when he was low normally, then he felt empty.

 

Now, he felt everything. Everything and so much fucking more.

 

He felt the pain, and the regret, and the guilt, and… he missed Mickey.

 

He missed him so much it fucking hurt and he knew he had no right.

 

Ian had been in bed almost two whole days when someone came into his room that would finally get him out of bed.

 

He walked inside of the room and sat on the edge of Ian’s bed, not saying anything at first.

 

Ian was turned towards the wall, so he didn’t know who it was, nor did he have any interest in finding out.

 

He just wanted them to go away, he wanted everyone to go away.

 

Hell, _he_ wanted to go away.

 

Ian just wanted to wallow in self pity and feelings and be alone.

 

”You gonna move anytime soon?” He asked and Ian shook his head, trying to keep his tears to a minimum. ”Why not? What you got to lose?”

 

Ian tried shrugging, but it didn’t really work as he was on his side, looking like a fucking burrito.

 

”Mickey’s awake” Ian closed his eyes.

 

Hearing the name felt like a stab in his chest.

 

”Go away” He mumbled, almost inaudibly.

 

”You want something to drink? I got a bottle of Jack Daniels stashed under my bed”

 

Ian shook his head.

 

_Go away._

 

_Leave me alone._

 

”Why don’t you wanna see him? Do you have any idea how selfish you’re being?”

 

That, surprisingly got Ian’s attention.

 

He turned slightly onto his back so that he could see his little brother’s face.

 

”I’m not selfish” Ian stated with no confidence what so ever.

 

_Was he being selfish?_

 

”Yeah, you are. The love of your life is in the hospital and you don’t even bother to see how he’s doing” Carl said.

 

”Not the love of my life”

 

”Yes, he is. Don’t deny it” Carl stated calmly. ”So why aren’t you moping together?”

 

”Broke up. You know that” Ian said, voice cracking.

 

”You still love him?”

 

Ian considered shaking his head, but he knew it would be no use.

 

Carl was asking a question he already knew the answer to.

 

So instead of trying to lie to himself and to his brother, Ian just nodded.

 

”What’s the problem?”

 

”I dumped him” Ian said. ”Not like he’d ever forgive me”

 

”You ask him?”

 

Ian shook his head and sat up slowly so that he could have a more flowing conversation.

 

”He shouldn’t, though. He has a right to be angry. The last thing I ever said was that I was breaking up with him. He’s been with me through everything, Carl. I dumped him. I don’t deserve to be forgiven, and he shouldn’t have to see my face”

 

Carl slapped him right across the face.

 

”What the fuck?!”

 

”Don’t say shit like that. You guys are the only real people that I’ve seen ever have a good relationship, be in love and all that. You hit a bump, so go fucking fix it! Don’t stay in bed, hoping the bad feelings will go away, because they won’t! They’ll only get worse. You love him, he loves you. What the fuck is the problem? You have no excuse, you’re just a pussy”

 

With those words, Carl stood up and exited the room, slamming the door behind him and leaving Ian to think over the lecture.

 

_Was he right?_

 

Of course he was.

 

Fuck.

 

”Mikhailo Milkovich?”

 

”3156, he should be awake”

 

”Thanks”

 

Ian’s heart started beating faster and faster the closer he got to the door.

 

He thought about knocking for a second, but then he just entered slowly.

 

”Whoever that is, I - ”

 

He closed the door behind him, and Mickey looked at him, shutting his mouth immediately.

 

They looked at each other for a while, faces blank, just taking in the other one.

 

”You look like shit, Gallagher”

 

Ian let out a sigh, or maybe it was a chuckle, he wasn’t sure.

 

All he could focus on was the pale, broken boy in front of him.

 

Ian’s eyes started to tear up, but he forced himself to stop that shit.

 

”I um… I’ve been in the bed for the past couple of days. Sorry”

 

”Being off the meds messing with you?”

 

Ian shook his head, taking a chair and sitting next to the bed, making sure not to be too close.

 

”No, I um… Not off them. I’m taking them”

 

”Good”

 

”I’m sorry I didn’t come to visit you - ”

 

”It’s cool”

 

”No, it’s not, Mickey. Please don’t fucking pretend like it is”

 

Mickey sighed, but didn’t say anything more on the subject.

 

”I just thought, that you’d be better off without me. I shouldn’t come here, because, well…” He trailed off shrugging. ”I don’t know what I thought, actually”

 

Ian let out a soft chuckle and buried his face in his hands.

 

Ian’s breathed hitched when Mickey reached out, taking one a hold of one of his hands and pulling it away from his face, lacing their fingers together.

 

”Mick” Ian couldn’t even get through the one syllable without his voice cracking.

 

A tear ran down Mickey’s cheek and Ian instinctively wiped it away.

 

”I love you. I’m so fucking sorry. I thought… I heard you were in an accident, and I thought… they didn’t know…”

 

”Come here” Mickey said and Ian got up on the bed, wrapping his arms around Mickey and resting his head on his chest.

 

Mickey placed a kiss to the top of his head and they both tried to stop crying, but they couldn’t.

 

”Fiona told me everything”

 

”I… what?” Ian leaned his head up to look at Mickey.

 

”Well, my family ain’t much to rely on. Iggy was here a couple of times, but other than that…” Mickey shook his head. ”Fiona was here a lot, Debbie, the Psychopath. Fuck, even your asshole big brother”

 

”Lip was here?” Ian chuckled and Mickey nodded.

 

”Yeah, guess they figured you weren’t strong enough yet, so…”

 

Another clump formed in Ian’s throat.

 

”I should have been here, Mick. After everything... What I said to you... I just... I should have come earlier”

 

”I know”

 

Mickey wiped a tear off of Ian’s cheek and looked down, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss that had them both falling in love with each other again, not that they ever fell out. 

 

”I thought you were gonna be gone, Mick. Fuck, there’s so much I would change - ”

 

”You can’t” Ian nodded.

 

”I know” 

 

”But I messed up, too. Fuck, we’re almost trainwrecks ourselves” Mickey chuckled, looking down at his boyfriend.

 

”No” Ian said. ”We’re one trainwreck”


End file.
